3 goals, a sending-off and and an OGGY...All in a days work for the WNSS

A.H. Electrical 3 - 0 WNSS FC; How can you describe a game that had it all? No excuses this time about the weather, and with only Mikos absent they couldn't argue the toss about a weakened squad. On a day where the very foundations of the club started to crumble assunder, two of the all time WNSS greats conspired to plunge the club into crisis. Never before had so much controversy been squeezed into 50 minutes of football, other than the battle of the buffet at Old Trafford only 9 months previously. As ever the previous nights preparation for a third of the squad involved anything but a night in front of the TV with the missus and a cup of tea; the die was cast, the result inevitable. The opposition, put to the sword by the WNSS last season by the same score, paraded the familiar face of Robocop in defence and an assortment of whinging loons in support.

A couple of good moves saw the WNSS exert some early pressure and they created a couple of encouraging openings. But in familiar style they found their classic form, and the WNSS found themselves a goal down, and then proceeded to struggle for the next 40 minutes. Daz then withdrew himself, fearing a bout of corner-flag projectile vomiting and was replaced by the languid Gavstacurta. Soon they were 2-0 down, as a drilled cross wasn't cleared and the net bulged with great aplomb. Their No.10 was on a hat-trick. Half time saw the temperature start to rise as the massed ranks of the WNSS began their own live autopsy on the first half performance. Flames barking his views, the Beast not happy, Guido claiming "we can beat these, they're shit"

A 2-0 down there was a chance, and the WNSS dug in and attempted the impossible; to score......and then score again. In the next few minutes a series of pivotal decisions were made that directly influenced the events that then followed. Flames and The Doctor were primed to enter the fray and Flames signalled to Pistol to come off, at the same time that Wildo announced that he'd had enough. Pistol stayed on, Wildo withdrew, Flames entered stage left. Pistol gathered the ball and pushed forward, while Flames in space cried for a pass. It didn't come. Flames berrated Pistol, Pistol volleyed back a tirade of expletives, and it was all too much for the referee. Pistol was already making the long walk as the red card was mercilessly brandished by the official. Flames was ashen-faced, Pistol was incandescent, and the FA......dumbstruck. WNSS had sent one of their own players off. Surely this own-goal by Flames, in goading his teammate into self-combustion, would be the end of the excitement? Unfortunately the gods took their revenge and as a second drilled cross seemed to be drifting safely out into touch, the hapless Flames simply ballooned it into his own net. The abject ginger one imploded after that, and engineered at least two more gift-wrapped chances for the opposition with stray passes and a woeful free-kick.

The 3rd goal killed the contest off, and signalled the beginning of the post mortem. The question on everyones lips is how long will Pistol be banned for, and how much will the fine be? The financials aside, who can put a price on two WNSS legends at logger-heads. Rumours close to the camp revealed that Flames was already digging up the olive branch, and he was considering taking out a full page in the Financial Times for an apology. WNSS need to pick themselves up for tomorrow nights cup clash against lower division opponents, but as Guido would say "we can beat these, they're shit".

Short on legs and short on ideas.........

The 2005/06 season kicked off in familiar fashion with a 2-0 defeat at the hands of Manchester Road. In conditions described by some as "plainly ridiculous", the seasons' first knockings were painted against a backdrop of searing temperatures, ageing limbs, and acute dis-organisation. In a game that they "should have won" WNSS looked every bit the side that finished 2nd bottom at the end of the previous campaign. Despite the pre-match discussion, countless debates as to their dis-ability to pass the ball, and the need to conserve precious fluids and energy, the WNSS struggled to hold on to the ball, pick a pass, or create more than 3 shots on goal in 50 mins. Reverting to type, Flames and The Doctor were condemned to "dealing" with the usual mixture of penalty-box shelling and throat height exocets. The continued absence of their midfield general (Daz, nursing a knee injury from an unofficial friendly) and a glaring gap in the shape of a striker meant that it was "business as usual" against a suprisingly spritely Manchester Road attack of Ali and Pes (Flames' neighbour). These two goons had a good 3 yards on the WNSS attack, and made use of the 10 years that they also had in the locker. Guido, Mikos, and Pistol were run ragged in the early exchanges but in the extreme temperatures the passes didn't come to allow the WNSS to hold the ball and play at their own tempo.

Owing to WNSS dysfunction in front of goal, and the oppressive elements, it was critical to avoid conceding early. For the new "Cat" it was key that the onion bag remained chaste so that he might build his confidence and become the foundation for the WNSS fortress. 8 mins in, this plan went up its own arse. Despite an early flurry Manchester Road didn't look particularly lethal in front of goal, but when WNSS failed to clear their lines the result was inevitable. Poor. Behind, again, they were chasing the game, the ball, opposition shadows, and each other all to no avail. The Beast, having worked tirelessly, pulled up short; the victim of a high pollen count. Steve came on to add his hand to the tiller.

Two changes at half time, saw the Legend and Flames get the call. The tortured ginger genius was already sodden with his own juices before he came on!!! With the WNSS still in the dressing room, and Flames at odds with his own skin, Manchester Road came streaming down the right wing. Flames didn't deal with it, the cross came in and it was game set and match. With the new season 2 games in, and the stats reading played 2 conceded 8 scored 0, there can be no hiding from the facts. A team that can't defend or score has got some serious problems.

Can you hear it? Its the sound of the managerial merry-go-round firing up.

WNSS crash out of cup in record defeat

WNSS 0 - 8 AFC Rudheath; a score line that speaks a thousand words. One such word would be "out"; of the cup again at the first hurdle, but owing to building fixture congestion, no bad thing. Annual tradition demanded that barring a bye, the WNSS must exit the cup swiftly to focus their attentions on all matters of the league. In fairness WNSS had put their thumb in Brian Maddocks pie and pulled out a real plum draw in the shape of Premier League opponents AFC Rudheath. Armed with such characters as "Disco", "Gonzo", and "Jacko" (all of whom had more than a rudimentary understanding of the beautiful game) WNSS' fate was sealed from the first whistle. With no natural Keeper (Bad start), or Striker in the WNSS ranks, I'll let you fill in the blanks that punctuate the 8 moments where the Legend was either prostrate in the back of his own net, statuesque in wonder with the ball behind him in the net, or in the net with the ball bent over picking it up. All in all, a dark chapter in the record books. The only smiling face of the day was that of Flames, delighted that his personal horror show between the sticks against Harrisons Allstars had now been eclipsed. Roll on the sandwiches and Manchester Road.